Hiding (open)

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Once she had been dismissed from the office, Cara's thoughts were in turmoil. Without even having to go down to the barn, she knew that the man had done. He had done the one thing he knew would break the girl, he had taken away her best friend. This time though, she knew that he had also taken Arlette. Hopefully he knew nothing of her ownership of Chasing Daisies, Púca or Mihirri. She bit down on her bottom lip, as she crossed the campus, heading toward the gym, until she tasted blood. She closed her eyes as she marched along, willing some emotion to spring forth, but there was nothing but a hollow emptiness.

Entering the gym, she walked down to the gymnastics studio. Placing her hand on the door, she pushed it open and found the light switch. She knew that she was breaking a number of school rules by coming into this room unattended, but surely she only needed a spotter for using the uneven bars and the vault (though she knew she could use the vault unsupervised). All she wanted to do was dance across the beam, and she wasn’t going to be seriously hurt if she fell.

Standing on the springboard, she placed her hands on the end of the beam. Bending her knees, she sprung into the air - cringing at how loud the springboard sounded in the silent room - and came into a handstand on the beam. Doing the splits, she brought her foot down in a backwards walkover as she had done just before in the work-out room, and stuck a pose, she then went into a needle scale (an arabesque). She then stepped forward, swung her other leg forward and down toward the beam and bent into a bridge. Straightening up again, she did an illusion, followed by a cartwheel she then jogged forward a couple of steps and dismounted the balance beam with a front-flip layout with a full rotation, landing squarely on the mat.

Now that she'd done a routine, she walked back to the beam, placed her hands on the side of it and pushed herself up until she was standing on it. Scrunching her nose in a cheeky grin, she then pirouetted from one of the beam to the other and back again, throwing in the occasional leap or flip. She lowered herself into the splits on the beam as she looked at the uneven bars, she shook her head quickly though, as she knew she was just asking for trouble if she went anywhere near them.

Pushing down on the beam with her hands, she rose into another handstand. taking a breath, she lifted one hand off the beam and held it out to the side. Placing her hand back, she pushed off hard and did a back flip before her feet found the beam again. "Steady." she told herself as she slightly lost her balance.

[sepia]

Lee had never thought that he was a particularly instinctive person, nor a particularly emotional one. He tended to not react to things based on initial emotive feelings, trying always to analyse, to tease out the reaction that would be most efficient, most beneficial for both the long and short term. He almost always retained his self-possession, it taking a great deal to break beneath his outer facades of whatever he was choosing to portray at the time. Even when he was reacting to things emotionally, he usually tempered himself with cold logic, marrying feelings and reason so as to best help others and himself. As such, he didn't believe in 'gut feelings', didn't hold to the fact that sometimes people just knew things were wrong without any logical basis.

And yet... he was oddly uneasy. A great deal of it probably had to do with the fact that Megan, his tortoiseshell darling, was feeling decidedly off-colour, so Lee was taking it upon himself to check in on her, curled up as she was on his bed, every hour or so. He could spare the time, today being a relatively slow day, and if he jogged the distance from the barns to his apartment then it was a relatively quick process. So that was probably the cause of the disquiet he felt, he was certain.

Until he saw, as he headed back to the stables after another check in on Megan, a very familiar slight figure heading into the gym. What would Cara be doing there, at this time of day? She should be out in the stables, tending to her horses - or the horses of others - as she usually was, not diving into the gym. It took him only a few moments to decide that he was taking his allotted break now, and he changed his course. Cara had vanished by the time he rounded the corner, and as he peered into a few rooms - the dance studio, his first choice, proving to be empty - he had the time to wonder quite what he was doing.

It wasn't like him, really, to act so impulsively... but then he really did have a deep, ingrained distaste of anyone - horse, human or hamster - being badly treated, and, deep down, he really did detest good people having to suffer. And, whatever he liked to pretend, the instincts of an elder brother lurked strongly in him, and Cara had pulled at those instincts. Deeply moral, however much he liked to project a face of cal, practicality, it perhaps wasn't all that surprising that he chose to go over the girl, despite not knowing what was going on.

It was the gymnastics studio that proved to be the room he wanted, and he slipped inside the door, quietly, wanting a moment or two to observe Cara before he acted. He discovered her flipping about with abandon upon a beam, lowering herself into the splits as he watched, before sliding neatly - after a brief hesitation - into a handstand. Smooth the movements might have been, but there was something about the nature in which she preformed them - frantic wasn't the word, nor panicked, but something akin to that - that set further alarm bells ringing in Lee's head.

Pushing himself away from the door, he winced as she wavered after a back-flip, sharp eyes noting her slight loss in balance. Making sure to abandon his normal almost silent manner of walking so that he didn't startle her so that she entirely lost her balance, he waited until he'd seen her eyes look at him before he spoke. "Do you need someone to spot you?" he asked, customarily not choosing the direct route. "My brother had a brief flirtation with gymnastics, so I've done it before." He'd made very sure to learn it, in fact, determined that he'd be the one to spot-check his brother, not trusting anyone else.

[Ω-Admin-Cara-Ω]

Cara was so intune with the room that she knew the instant the door opened, she just didn't care whom it was that had entered as she regained her balance and performed another succession of backflips to the end of the beam.

She glanced over as the intruder got closer, her cat-coloured eyes narrowing. She had come here to be alone and wasn't feeling the need for company right now.

"Do you need someone to spot you? My brother had a brief flirtation with gymnastics, so I've done it before."

Lee's voice was full of sincerity, but Cara didn't need help. She had survived the for over thirteen years without anyone's help, why did she need it now? "Thank you, Sir, but no." She spoke up as her eyes scanned the beam, her next set of moves already sorted out in her mind's eye.

Standing on her tip toes, she bounced in place as she eyed up the length of the beam. raising her arms into the air, she cartwheeled her way to the end, throwing in an illusion at the end (which is a cartwheel without using her hands). She shook her head as the room seemed to dip, and she drew in a deep breath, her body had almost had enough, but she wanted to make it back to the other end of the beam before she dismounted.

She clenched her fists, she could feel anger burning in the pit of her stomach. She raised a hand to her mouth and pressed the back of it against her lips, noting that it came away red from where her teeth had gone through her lip again. Carefully unclenching her fists, to stop herself from ripping away her cuticles, she worked through her next set of moves. Don't hesitate, you stupid girl! The voice of a past coach yelled at her from inside her memories. You hesitate and it's over! She shook her head to get rid of the voice and lifted herself onto her toes as the room seemed to dip again.

Bouncing a couple of times, she skipped forward and did a stag leap before moving fluidly into a handstand and moving from that to the splits and then a backward walkover so she was where she had started from.

[sepia]

'Sir' probably wasn't a good sign. Now he was closer, he could see the lines of tension on her face, and he suspected that it was only her strong self-control that was preventing her from looking a great deal more upset. The obvious thing to wonder was what, precisely, could have caused this, given that Cara had been remarkably well put-together - until he'd start pushing at her, and she'd grown weary, anyway - while huddled in a stable with bloody stripes torn down her back. This, then, was something else entirely, that deduction supported by the fact that he doubted that even she could manage to cartwheel under the influence of recent abuse.

So, then, something else. And, unsurprisingly, she was refusing his help - for she had to know that his offer to help spot her was also the beginning of an offer to help her with whatever larger thing was currently affecting her. He acknowledged her eminently polite refusal with a nod of his head, one that he didn't even know if she saw, but didn't move from his position a few metres to the side of the beam, eyes tracking every move of Cara's acrobatic dance.

He frowned as he thought he saw her waver, just for a second as she reached the end of the beam, concern creasing the frown deeper as she flipped past him again and he caught a hint of blood on one of her hands. Probably bitten through her lip, the most clinical part of his mind noted, and he was left, again, with the dilemma of what could get Cara into this state where she was flinging herself through an acrobatic routine with little care and biting clean through her lip. He didn't know how frequent this state of mind was, but he didn't like it at all.

With nothing further coming from Cara, and his silent reflections getting him nowhere, his next move was an utter shot in the dark. Well, not quite a complete shot in the dark - more a shot in the dark in relation to this precise set of circumstances, as his previous observations of her - and, however creepy it sounded, Lee had been keeping an eye on Cara ever since their midnight meeting in that stable, both from immediate concern and also attempting to gain, from a distance, a glance into her psyche, a desire motivated both by that same concern, and a colder curiousity - had perhaps given him some basis on which to rest his words.

"How are your horses?" The words were said without any knowledge of Cara's current circumstances, but based on the fact that the only thing Cara seemed to care about was her motley collection of animals - Phoenix, abused souls speaking to one another on a level she couldn't understand, Mirrhi, a bright little filly speaking, perhaps, to the more hopeful side of Cara, her other animals filling a gamut of niches - and so he was making an educated guess that something had happened to one of them.

[Ω-Admin-Cara-Ω]

Cara continued her way down the beam, a mixture of acrobatic moves and dancing. Trying to fill her head with anything other than the thoughts of her precious mounts. She didn't want to think of how whomever had come for the animals had managed to get phoenix onto whatever vehicle they had been loaded into.

"How are your horses?"

The words seemed to hang in the air and Cara was halfway through a cartwheel as the question was offered. She only hand one hand on the beam and was not able to complete the momentum of the movement and tipped to the side, her feet landing on the floor as a growl was utter from between her teeth as her hand gripped the beam to keep herself upright. "I wouldn't know." She replied as she placed the other hand on the beam, followed by a foot and stood up on the narrow plank again. "Mr Andrews felt that they were disrupting my academic work. And for the best of my school work, he had them removed." She bit down on her lip again as it felt as though a hand had closed around her stomach and squeezed. Drawing in a breath, she managed to banish the feeling right before she doubled over.

Floating to the end of the beam, she stood on her tiptoes again and bounced on the balls of her feet. Raising her arms, she did a mixture of handsprings and illusions along the beam. When she was three quarters of the way across, she jogged a couple of steps to build up momentum before going into another handspring and pushing off with enough force that she was able to do a double pike salto before her feet touched the floor. She lifted her arms up to offer herself added balance, right before her knees buckled and she landed on her backside.

Taking a couple of deep breaths, she reached forward and touched her toes. Her upper body shook as she drew in each breath, but this is the price for pushing one's self too far. Keeping her head on her legs, she slowly counted to ten, waiting for her breathing to return to normal and for her head to stop spinning

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Not a random shot in the dark, then. Lee jerked forwards as his question - and this, even before her words, told him that he really had hit the mark, because what else could provoke such a loss of control? - caused her to waver off the beam, though apparently her miss-step wasn't going to stop her. He restrained himself from preventing her remounting the beam - don't scare her off, don't shove her away through trying to restrain her - and then found himself frozen solid for a moment as she made her pronouncement in a tone so level it was dead. Her 'social worker' apparently knew Cara just as well as he did, and had hit her where it really hurt.

His brief paralysis of shock - at the sheer, cold, callousness of the action; though he'd long known that humans were capable of being so cruel, it was still no less unpleasant when one was brought face to face with that fact, though at least Lee couldn't be much further disillusioned about the depths to which human depravity could sink - shattered when Cara curled up around herself, though she was flashing into movement again before he could offer any words or any action, and Lee was left wondering how long it would be before she fell from that beam - and wondering whether he would be best to stop her, or not.

No, he decided. She almost certainly had the balance to prevent herself from injuring her body severely, and he judged it best that she bring herself to a stop, rather than being stopped by the actions of an older male - for however much he didn't want to hurt her, negative associations with abusive older men had to be the least of what went on in Cara's convoluted, damaged psyche. And it wasn't long before she was grounded, knees buckling in a gesture of such frailty that Lee found himself moving forwards despite his reservations about crowding her. Sometimes, that instinctive brotherly protectiveness he carried around close within him overrode all else.

Noting that she didn't seem to be in danger of dying, and was almost instantly trying to recollect herself, Lee slowly settled himself on the floor, judging his distance carefully. Close enough to provide any comfort if she should want it, but far away enough that she wouldn't feel trapped, or threatened - which was his main reason for sitting. He was less threatening when at the same height as her, and towering over her could hardly be beneficial.

"Is there any prospect of getting them back?" he asked, not bothering with platitudes of 'Oh how awful', or questions of 'How could anyone be so cruel?'. It was awful, and he had been so cruel, and such inane statements would do nothing now. "If you know where they have been taken, I can think of several people, myself included, who would by no means be adverse to finding them again." Though what consequences she would suffer for that move were an entirely different matter... and, for that reason, what had Cara done that her guardian felt the need to do such a thing?

"Why did he chose to remove them now?" The question was asked carefully, though fairly bluntly, Lee treading gently along that line of 'non-insulting practicality', and 'potentially-shoving-Cara-away sentiment'. "And it can't simply be because he felt they were interfering with your studies... Something, surely, must have happened." Something he objected to so strongly that he'd decided to destroy the majority of Cara's foundations. Lee wondered if this was not the time to take this to some higher authority - yes Cara had been doubtful about whether she would receive anything better, but could she not be emancipated? Or put under guardianship of the school?

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Cara kept her forehead rested on her legs as she focused on Lee's voice. Her eyes were closed as her heart slowed down to a somewhat less racing beat, her head wouldn't stop it's dizzy spinning though. Placing her hands on the ground either side of her stretched legs, she pushed her upper-body up, and closed her eyes again as the room seemed to dive around her. Slowly opening them again she pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on them.

She sucked her lower lip in, refusing to let her teeth touch it as she didn't want to make it bleed again now that Lee was so close. "No." She replied in a tiny voice. "This time there will be no chance of me getting her back. He would kill her rather than me possibly getting her again." He had been livid when he had arrived to find her riding the mare shortly after she had found her at the auctions.

She rounded her back to rest her forehead on her knees as another fist seemed to close around her stomach. "Because Mr Andrews' feels that he is losing his power over me." She went on a slight tremor in her voice. She turned her head so that her cheek was now cushioned on her knees and focused her cat-coloured eyes on Lee. She blinked a couple of times as his face moved in and out of focus as her head still seemed to be swimming in a murky swamp. "Because he knows that I have spoken out against him. I-I just came from a meeting with Mr Rees and him. I don't know what was said before I was summoned, but Mr Andrews was livid when I arrived, especially when he was sent from the room." She closed her eyes as a shiver ran down her spine. "He reminded me that no matter where I was, he would always find me. I told Mr Rees that you know of some of the things that have happened to me. He shall want to speak with you at some point."

Her eyes closed as thoughts and ideas swam through her head. She had moved so much since she had been a baby, and had moved from one pony to the next without even batting an eyelid. So, why did the removal of Phoenix hit her so hard? She was better than this, she'd had enough training in the past to teach her to get over things like this. "That which doesn't kill you, makes you stronger" The whispered words were famous words from a couple of her past coaches who had wanted her to try moves that were at least three levels higher that her ability. She used to spend hours on just one move, perfecting it before she was allowed to leave the gym. That was the way she faced everything. Riding had been the same, she was pointed toward a pony and she would ride it until she had accomplished whatever the instructor had wanted, and in whatever way the person wanted it done. Phoenix? She was different. The mare was knew what the girl had been through, the felt each others pain. Knew the depth of the others scars. However, she was just another pony, and there would be plenty more. Unless she was sent to a school where there were no equestrian facilities, a school where Mr Andrews would once again have her focus solely on her gymnastics.

She opened her eyes and sat up straight, careful to keep her face emotionless as her head protested the movement. She then rose to her feet, making sure not to wobble as she stood straight. "Would you spot me on the bars?" If his plan was for her to go back to gymnastics, than she didn't want to seem out of shape. She was already calorie counting in her head, working out what she needed to do to lose more weight.

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Lee narrowed his eyes, expression grimly flat as he contemplated Cara's words. So apparently he didn't need to break his vow of silence to her - she'd decided to take that step herself, and Lee wondered, privately, quite how much courage that had taken. What had pushed her to do so, to act when she'd been so vehemently against it before hand? And, the world being what it was, look how it had rewarded her. Bravery seemed to have only gained her more pain, more heartache - but would it be worth it in the end if she was freed from Mr Andrews?

He suspected she might not think so - not anytime soon, anyway. And he suspected, equally as strongly, that she'd do her level best not to let anyone know how hard this change had hit her. Get knocked down, get back up again. Meet a brick wall, walk around it. The philosophy for life that had been beaten - literally, he suspected - into Cara allowed for no weakness, no letting down of walls, no admitting that much was wrong... unless one happened to come upon her unexpectedly like he had just done. Nothing like intruding into people's privacy to get results.

Well-meaning as the intrusion was, he wasn't entirely sure that Cara actually wanted him here - he was no stranger to wanting privacy to lick his wounds and brood - but that didn't mean he was going to leave. He suspected, however much Cara might have tried to deny, that she did - every so often - need a shoulder to lean on. She wasn't going to cry, and she might not even be grateful - but it was still necessary. Cara needed company, he'd decided. Despite her reserved manner, her tightly woven shields, she had still managed to gather a sizeable group of people wanting to be her friend - himself included, he acknowledged. Drawn in by the mystery that was Cara - iron hard armour surrounding a gentle, loving core that was itself wrapped around a steely centre of personal strength - well, who could blame him? She was a contradiction in inspiring protectiveness, and yet standing stalwart against any storm. Lee always had liked a conundrum, and calculating or not, when his loyalty was tweaked, it wasn't a fickle thing.

"Mr. Andrews, it appears," he commented when she stopped, closing her eyes, "Is aware that you are far stronger than he if he feels the need to remove your supports like that." He didn't say that, in a way, it was a victory - for what was victory worth at this price? "I hope Mr. Rees has the power," he didn't doubt he had the will, from what he'd heard, "To..." he bit back the phrase 'protect you' suspecting Cara wouldn't appreciate the implications, "Handle the consequences of him pushing you." Just a suspicion, really, that Mr. Rees had had a great deal to do with Cara finally speaking up. "I'm glad you told him," he added, tone suddenly softer. "You need someone with a but of power on your side." I just wish, his thought went unspoken, that it hadn't had to cost you your horses.

Caught somewhat short as Cara rose to her feet, he followed, long, lean body unfolding itself gracefully as he stood, maintaining his carefully calculated distance. "I have the sneaking suspicion your body might utterly rebel if you decide to fling it around some more. There's pushing yourself... and then there's self-punishment. The latter isn't going to do anyone any good." He kept his gaze level as he spoke, fixed on her, normally shuttered eyes showing distinct traces of concern, along with the idea that Lee would be willing to go a long way for Cara... Not that he was going to advocate her working herself to death, not at all.

[Ω-Admin-Cara-Ω]

In response to Lee's warning about the difference between pushing and self-punishment, Cara gave the most teenage response to it that anyone would ever be gifted to, the young teen rolled her eyes. "Self-punishment is continuing a competition after you know you've cracked something on the first apparatus." She commented with as much emotion as a rock. This was something she had done a number of times during meets, once she'd misjudged the vault and hand cracked a rib. Sure, it hurt like anything but she wasn't going to bring the wrath of her coach on herself so she had kept quiet, sucked it in and redid the vault flawlessly and went on to finish the meet.

She cast a look toward the bars, knowing that she wouldn't be going anywhere near them. She normally didn't worry about a spotter if she were in here alone, but attempting the bars with her current state of mind without a spotter would just be suicide.

She looked back at Lee again. "Before you get some grand ideas of me having the courage to speak out on my own, Mr Rees asked if anyone else knows of what Mr Andrews has done to me and I answered." She drew in a shaky breath. "I need to go and finish my homework. Enjoy the remainder of your day." Although her training had taught her to always allow a male to leave the room first, she turned on her heel and left the studio. And, true to her word, she headed toward the Red House and up to the room she shared with Victoria.

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So there was a teenager in the midst of all those hardened, cynical walls, was there? Lee restrained a grin at the rolled eyes, and found the desire to smile fading anyway as Cara talked on. Apparently, it wasn't only Mr. Andrews who needed to be taken out to a lake and quietly drowned - ever so discretely and efficiently, of course. And probably without Cara knowing, given that she carried enough guilt around with her to drown the average elephant.

"I believe you do yourself a disservice," he said, to Cara's back, saddened if not particularly surprised by her decision to make an exit. "Speaking up even to answer someone's questions requires a great deal of courage." Not, he suspected, watching her retreating back, that he thought she would believe him... but maybe if he kept chipping away, gently, slowly, at her issues of self-worth, he'd get somewhere. How long did it take to rebuild shattered confidence? Probably far longer than it too to shatter it. How much longer did it take to gently remove walls around emotions than it did to force someone to put them up? A long time, almost certainly.

Sighing as soon as Cara was out the room and the door closing behind her, Lee took a look around the now abandoned gymnastics apparatus, and wondered if he'd done any good by coming upon Cara. Should he have asked her, or would she have been better left to her own devices? He didn't know, and he never would, but he liked to think that his actions had been even the tiniest bit beneficial.

Shaking his head, he too quit the room, aware that he was supposed to be working - though he felt that Cara was definitely worth risking the anger of Miss Carr for skiving off - switching the light off as he went, door slamming closed behind him as he let it go. He also needed to go talk to Mr. Rees, at some point soon... And attempt to tone down the interrogation he rather wanted to give the man - he was one of his superiors, after all, even if he had far more to do day-to-day with Miss Carr.

But for now, back to the barn... where he was probably going to spend most of the day thoughtfully brooding, even as he rode and mucked out.