Pain is life ][Syncy][

[Onzyy]

Annabelle Black

Annabelle leaned back against the wooden board, and sighed in melancholy. She wished that she was back home, among her family and the people she loved. Though her head told her it was the best thing to be at the Academy, her heart told her that she belonged in Forks. Samson, her Golden Retriever, felt his owner’s distress, and put his head in her lap. She stroked him with one hand, while in the other she played with the pocket knife.

Bella knew that she wasn’t supposed to be in the barn, but it was the one place that she felt safe. Where the horses wouldn’t judge her for whom she was, and she always looked for that safety that people couldn’t provide. From Synergy’s stall she saw the moon, and the complete blackness of the night sky, complete with stars. Her black dyed bangs hung in a shaggy mess, and she shivered even though the night was warm. Synergy, the black gelding she bought from the Auction, watched her sleepily from another corner of the stall, before lying down with a grunt.

Bella was wearing a short sleeved shirt, black skinny jeans and Converse trainers with turquoise laces. The shirt had a wolf on it, and sometimes Bella wished she could be the wolf, brave and fierce. In the back of her mind she knew that it would never happen. She was Bella the freak. The girl who ‘cut’ herself, but those scars were from her past. Bella didn’t want them, they weren’t her fault. Samson licked her arm, reassuring her that all would be alright, but Bella didn’t know that.

She flicked open the pocket knife, and traced the lines on arm. The one that would kill her and the ones that would just cause pain. Bella drew her knees up to her chest, and sobbed, though she didn’t make any noise. The tears surprised her almost, but these days Loneliness was her constant companion. Samson whined, and pushed his cold nose into her cheek.

[Sync]

He whistled the tune to the Welsh National Anthem as he lead his mare down the aisle. At her heels was her colt, who was skittering to the side every now and then. His owner took no notice, knowing Heartbreaker wouldn't stray too far from his mother. Dafydd was still slightly limping after falling over Cedar in the stallion barn, but it wasn't an unbearable pain. Lyric gave a distressed snort, making her master cease his tune. He glanced down, following the mare's gaze and noticed a girl tucked into herself. Next to her was a dog, obviously whining in distress. Dafydd glanced around, unsure what to do and then decided he was useless while holding Lyric and an excitable colt prancing around behind her. He took her quickly up to her stall, ushering Heartbreaker in after her. Once they were secured, he made his way back down to the crouched figure. He stood awkwardly still for a couple seconds before crouching down beside her. He noticed the pocketknife in her hand, closing his eyes briefly. One of his students had problems, and he definitely needed to help her.

Excuse me Miss, would you please put that away. he said, his vocals held that tone of authority, something he needed in this situation. He glanced at her curiously, wondering what could be tearing her up so bad that she needed this knife. Would you mind telling me your name? he asked, a little bit more relaxed in his words. His hand reached out to pet the canine beside her, assuring him that he was not to hurt his mistress. He knew how possessive dogs could get over their owners, Icey was one of them. He dropped down so he was sitting, crouching was uncomfortable for him. His legs crossed and his hands were in his lap. He looked expectantly to his student.

ATTIRE

[/color] click?! CREDIT SAM !? of A Changed Hogwarts. Don't remove the credit or I will find you. LYRICS someday - nickelback NOTES he'll loosen up as the thread evolves ^^ WORD COUNT three-one-two [/center][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Onzyy]

Annabelle listened to the horses footsteps, and has they neared she panicked. Would they see her? Would they stop? Not that she cared, but it would be slightly embaressing. The hooves stopped outside Synergy stall, and she didn't even look up. Synergy looked up, and sighed. She felt Samson growl, and Bella just sighed. Her crying had ceased, and the man's voice enetered her head. Put the knife down her voice instructed.

Samson had greeted the man with a wag of his tail, obviously realising that he could help his master. It's Bella, and why do you care? came the reply. She didn't even know why she was talking. Bella didn't even who he was. She didn't relinquish the hold on the pocket knife however.

[Sync]

The male sighed, he didn't need this now. But, he couldn't leave her. She was under his protection. Yes, while riding she had other minders. While out of the barns though, he was the protector of her welfare. Dafydd smiled at the friendly canine, glad that he, at least, had accepted his help. Well, Bella, he started, his eyes now on the ground. Because it's my job. And, because I know what it's like to hurt. You have no idea how much I know what it is like to hurt.

[/b] he told her, his vocals so quiet that he knew she would only just hear them. His hand was offered out silently, he gestured for her to give him the knife. He then decided to try a different tactic. If I share my problems, will you share yours? he asked. He would still share his, he needed to unload them somehow. This girl just seemed like the perfect person to do so. Hopefully he would gain her trust, and also show her she isn't alone, their are others with problems too.

My wife and I had a baby, she was a still born. I've never forgotten the day I saw her, her perfectly formed body unmoving, growing cold in my arms. he said softly, his hazel oracles closed tight. His features furrowed and then he took a deep breath. Two years later, my wife died in a car crash. Now, I'm left with nothing. Well, except this new job and my animals.[/b] he told her, his vocals breaking slightly. All he had to remember Jayden was a tattoo, her parents hated Dafydd, blamed him for their daughters death. His own parents obviously held a slight resentment toward him too. I'm Mr.Rees, The new principal. But please, feel free to call me Dafydd when I'm not telling you off. he told her, trying to lighten the mood by finally introducing himself. Now, are you going to keep your side of the bargain?[/b] he asked her, his features softening considerably.[/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]

ATTIRE

[/color] Click?! CREDIT SAM !? of A Changed Hogwarts. Don't remove the credit or I will find you. LYRICS someday - nickelback NOTES mehh.. WORD COUNT three-three-nine [/center][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Onzyy]

Bella’s thoughts were racing. Who was this man? Why was he the one to stop and help her? She didn’t have answers yet, but in the stall she felt trapped. She had always been one feel the claustrophobia at the oddest times. Bella slowly let go of her knees, and left the curled up position she was in. The pressure left her chest, and she could breathe easier now. Bella saw the man’s features clearly for the first time. He was handsome, but in her opinion, old as well. Her eyes were still untrustworthy, but somewhere, something told her that he could be trusted. His accent was not American, something more from the British Isles maybe, she couldn’t place it. Bella saw his hand stretched out, and she reached out, and placed the pocket knife in it. He spoke about hurting, and Bella believed him. She nodded slowly to his agreement. It was better than anything that came along.

Quietly she listened to his story. It was a sad tale, and it made her one seem stupid. With her mother being a doctor, she often heard stories such as these. Though Forks was a small town, there were enough people to keep the hospital busy every day, and when somebody was lost, the town knew about it. In Bella’s case, they did know, and they were grossly misinformed. “I’m sorry,” she said when he had finished recounting his story. What else could she offer? Apart from her side of the bargain that is. Samson had made his way back to her side, and pressed himself up against her. His shaggy fur was a comfort and she stroked it.

Bella didn’t really know how to start her story. She merely nodded when he introduced himself, and she returned to her predicament. Though the beginning would be best, she didn’t really have a clue. She just started.“Well, I didn’t have an unhappy childhood, but I never really saw much of my parents either. My dad travelled a lot for business, and my mom is a doctor, and she almost lived in the hospital. Though they tried their best to give as much attention to us as possible, it was pretty lonely. For a while it was just me and Andrew, my twin, and later my two younger brothers.” Bella wondered if she made a mistake by mentioning her mother was a doctor. They hadn’t done him any good. “Then last year there was an accident. Andrew and I were the ones involved. The whole family had gone to Seattle to celebrate my mom and our birthday. They are a day apart, and it usually is celebrated together. Andrew had just gotten his licence, and we were in one car. Mom, dad and my other brothers were in the other.”

Samson started licking her arm, as if he could erase the past, and the scars that came with them. Bella continued, “On the way back, a drunk driver hit the passenger side of our car. The side I was in. I don’t remember what happened, so I’m merely telling you what was told to me. The force didn’t leave much car, and I was crushed between the dashboard, and whatever else. Andrew had managed to get, and somehow my parents were at home before us. He called them and the emergency services. I was slipping in and out of consciousness, and by the time I was at the ER, I was in a coma. There was fluid on my brain, so I went for emergency surgery, but came out, still in a coma. For three months I was like that. These scars healed, and left their mark. My hair grew back. And yet, I was fighting the mire I was stuck in. The light seemed like an excellent place to go, so easy to walk to, than the voices of the people I knew. They had to resuscitate me at least six or seven times over those 3 months. I resented them for that. Why couldn’t I be let go? Why couldn’t they accept I wasn’t going to be coming back?” Bella’s voice turned bitter at these questions.

The familiar throbbing started behind her left temple, and she instinctively started rubbing it in small slow circles. “Somehow, I fought that mire. I wouldn’t let it win. I don’t know what spurred me into action. I think it was Andrew, begging me not to go, I’m not sure. Once I came out of it, I wasn’t sure what to do with my limbs, or how to handle what happened to me. Andrew turned into an overprotective brother, and the more I told him that I didn’t blame him, the worse he turned, so in the end I left him to be that brother. I was alienated from the rest of my family. They had grown closer, and I was the outcast in a way. My dad however, was always there for me. We had grown closer, but he was a business man, and soon after he left again. I couldn’t do the one thing that I enjoyed, which was riding. I sat on the side watching my two beauties ridden for me, and I saw how the one floored every rider that got on her. Samson was my silent companion throughout all this.”

She grew silent again. Her story was far from finished. Through the whole story, she had kept her eyes averted, and only now did she dare look into those eyes that were most likely on her the whole time. She started again. “Living in such a small town as Forks, the story was messed up. They thought Andrew was the drunk driver. They thought that I purposefully drove into something to end my life. For the best of the year, Andrew and I lived with the gossip and looks. My mother was for some reason ashamed of us, and started believing the lies as well. So I got sent here, more by own choice than anything else, and Andrew is at boarding school a few hours away from here. In the month that I have been here, I have heard nothing from either my mom or my dad. Even at the Auction when I got Synergy here, Dad chose to speak to Andrew, but didn’t once ask for me.”

Bella’s eyes turned back to the floor, and her voice grew quiet. “I just want to go home, and I don’t mean Forks. In the few seconds that I was making my way toward that light, I felt the most love, and welcome than I ever had felt. Tonight I actually wanted to know if that light would be there again. If it would welcome me, or reject me.” The truth was out, but thankfully it was to someone that she could trust, or at least she hoped so. Something clicked in her head, and she realised that she and Dafydd’s wife had both been in a car accident, except Bella had survived. She felt her phone vibrate, and slipped it out of her pocket. It was Andrew. He had both felt her pain, and decided that she needed him. Or it was merely coincidence. Bella put her head back against the boards, and closed her eyes. The phone continued to vibrate.

[Sync]

His mouth grew tense as she spoke, his hazel oracles on her face the whole time. He couldn't hold back the wince when she mentioned her mother as a doctor. They weren't his favorite people, but he could never hold that against anyone. He knew she still didn't trust him, but hey, she had only just met him. But, she had given him the knife. That was a step in the right direction. She went on to describe the rest of her family, and she detected a tone of, was it, resentment while she spoke of her father? Her tale lengthened, making him drop his gaze when she mentioned the accident, a drunk driver. Jayden had been drunk driving when she died, and he still blamed himself. If only he had gone to pick her up. His mind focused back on Bella's story. She went on to say that she had almost died numerous times, it made his heart wrench. He barely knew the girl but felt deeply sorry for her and already so protective. This just wouldn't have happened in his old school, their was no where near such a hands on approach as the American's had. British school's were completely different. Her bitter questions made his eyes widen, they flitted back to her face. He wanted to wrap his arms around her, comfort her. But it was wrong. His fists clenched, he felt hopeless. All he could do was listen. She continued, her tale saddening again. This girl had an obvious passion for riding, and she had been refused it while she recovered. Her father became a hero in her story briefly, he didn't understand the resentment he had heard initially until she neared the end of her words. He had been avoiding her. About to open his mouth to speak, he ceased. She had one little bit more to add. She spoke of this light, something that worried him deeply. She wanted to end her life, and now the pocketknife had become the star of the show. He placed it securely behind his back, making a mental note to keep checking on her daily. Bella, he said softly as she finished, ignoring her vibrating cell phone. He hated those devices. I know I could never turn back the clocks, but I know I won't let you go "toward the light".

[/b] Their was resolution in his vocals, he felt the pure need to protect this girl. His fists clenched again, he had the urge to pull her into a hug. That's what she needed, she craved the attention. But, he knew if their were to be a student or teacher passing through who got the wrong end of the stick, his career was over and he would be able to do less to protect her. I promise Bella, I'll be here for you. When you get the desire to harm yourself, seek me out. We shall talk through it. If you just want to chat, have a cup of coffee, seek me out. I'll be in my office most days, but you are welcome to come in. I'll even give you permission to leave some classes.[/b] he said, a wink thrown her way. He didn't want her to revert back to cutting. Do we have a deal?[/b] He knew he hadn't said too much about the accident, but in his case it always made things worse. Having someone pity you was the worst feeling in the world. She didn't need that at all.[/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]

ATTIRE

[/color] Click?! CREDIT SAM !? of A Changed Hogwarts. Don't remove the credit or I will find you. LYRICS someday - nickelback NOTES RUBBISH! WORD COUNT five-eight-five [/center][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Onzyy]

Andrew just phoned at the worst times, like now for example. It was impossible for her sometimes. Every time she ended the call, it just started again. So she did what she always did. She put the phone off. Andrew would most likely kill her, but she could live with it. Half of her brain cursed her for telling her story, and the other half congratulated her for it. What was she thinking? What the hell had gotten into her? Was she so deprived of attention that she needed to do what she did tonight? More and more thoughts raced into her head, and the pounding became worse. For once she wished that she had her medication with her. Bella groaned, and tried to stop showing the pain, but failed. Those headaches were the one constant reminder of the accident, along with the scars, further than that she had nothing else.

Dafydd spoke again. He wouldn’t let her? Well, that’s what her parents said as well, and look how that ended up. She hoped that he was different. Her faith in people had been shattered, and she couldn’t trust easily. She couldn’t help but feel that she needed to start trusting again. Yet for her trust was a fragile thing. So easily created, so easily broken. What would the chances be of her leaving? She didn’t know, but she didn’t want to leave either. She had found someone that was willing to help, and those people were rare.

Bella sighed. It would be so easy to say no, but then again she had thought it would be easy to end her life as well. That was the first time that she had even tried it, and in the back of her mind she made a resolution that she wouldn’t try it again. Through clenched teeth, the pounding was at breaking point now, she answered him. “We have a deal. Do you perhaps have Tylenol on you?” Bella could place exactly where hers was, next to her bed, inside the cabinet drawer. Though she had just asked the principal if had pain killers, and it was highly unlikely that he would, but the pain was unbearable. Bella was trying to wean herself of any medication that she was on, but tonight she needed it. The dreams would still come, no matter how deeply asleep she was. She would still see the bright lights of the other car, and still feel the crushing impact.

Samson whined again. Somehow the dog felt everything that she felt, and this time he felt Bella’s distress again. He licked her hand, and somehow in the space of a few minutes, Bella was living the nightmare again. Make it stop, she groaned. Please make it stop. She had no idea where she was in reality. In her head she was back in the car, she saw those lights. She tried to tell Andrew to stop, but no voice came out. The lights came, and the pressure increased. She couldn't breathe, and the short, ragged breathing was hers. Oh God Lord, please make it end.

She clutched her head, as the pain seared through her mind. Why did it have to happen now? Why couldn't it leave her? Would the pain force her to remember the time that she was in the accident? Those lights had an ingrained image in her head, the pressure making her take in gasps of breath. So this is what is was like? she thought. As far as Bella knew she was still sitting in the barn with a man, but in her head she was in the car, being crushed. Only this time she was fully aware. She thought she was going to go mad.

[Sync]

He watched as she deliberated his words, his hazel oracles on her face the whole time. Finally she spoke, agreeing to his deal but then asking for some Tylenol. No, not at the moment. But there should be some in the barn office. he said, rising from his position. I'll be right back. he said, turning on his heels to get to the office. Once inside, he saw that the first aid box was hung up on the wall. He grabbed it and searched through it, quickly finding the Tylenol. As he raced back to Bella, his face crumpled with frustration. She was now screeching out, telling him to stop the pain. He looked around helplessly, seeing a couple of students rush by. Good, at least they weren't stopping to stare. He placed himself on his knees at her side, his hands fumbling with the lid for the pills. He realized he had no water for her to take them with, he looked around desperately. There was nothing. You'll have to take them without something to wash them down. he told her, shaking out two of the pills. He offered them to her, and then felt his heart wrench when she called out again.

His hand went sympathetically to her arm, but then he withdrew it. He had no idea what to do with himself. He watched helplessly as she clutched her head. He decided she needed to see the nurse. Bella, come on. I'm going to take you to the nurse now. he said gently, placing his hand on her arm and tried to coax her up onto her feet. He would have to wait until she decided to get up though, it wasn't in his rights to physically pick her up and take her there.

ATTIRE

[/color] Click?! CREDIT SAM !? of A Changed Hogwarts. Don't remove the credit or I will find you. LYRICS someday - nickelback NOTES terrible, but my muse is dying, painfully. WORD COUNT two-nine-seven [/center][/size][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Onzyy]

Bella saw nothing of her present surroundings. All she heard was a faint voice trying to penetrate the wall in her mind. In her mind was a jumble of images all that involved the accident. The furry body of Samson was pressed so close against her; Bella could smell the dog’s dusty fur. She felt as if she was being crushed; the imaginary pressure locked in her chest. She was trying her best to escape the nightmare of her life, and for once Bella wished that she had had the courage to just end it. It looked so easy, but her mind wouldn’t let her hand have performed the action. It didn’t want to stop just yet.

Bella knew when Dafydd was back, he sounded thoroughly panicked, and she cringed inwardly. Why did he have to witness this? It was bad enough to have to go through it, but worse to have an audience. She heard him mention nurses and how he tried to get her to her feet. Once again she couldn’t get the action just quite right. “No nurses. Please. They’ll think I’m mad,” she groaned out. Bella highly doubted her words were audible, but they had to be. In a brief moment of clarity, she took the Tylenol, and swallowed them dry.

Bella felt the dry pills move down her throat and shivered in disgust. For her the pills offered a relief from the ‘mind-lock’ but she knew that they would return as soon as she closed her eyes and entered the realm of sleep. That reason would explain the darkish, purple circles underneath her eyes. The fatigue was sometimes too much, but Bella always pushed through it, though today was the one time of giving all that up.

Slowly the warmth spread through her pale limbs. Carefully Bella moved, making sure that she was still whole. Everything felt broken, her mind, her spirit. Like a reluctant vice, the pressure released her, and she drew in a deep breath, flooding her lungs with much-needed oxygen. For perhaps the first time in the whole course of events, she looked Dafydd straight in the eye. “I’m sorry you had to witness that. Apart from my scars, the accident left another scar. This time, one that will most likely be with me forever.” The realisation hit her that she would never escape her frightful past and that it would be with her forever.